The Death of Masculinity & Femininity Pt 1
The Visible Signs of Declining Masculinity & Reclaiming What We Have Forgotten as Men and Women.
“When sin entered the world, it affected man’s inherent strength and woman’s inherent softness.”
Mary a Kassian & Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth
Image by freepik
When sin entered the world, it affected man’s strength and woman’s softness. Children, adults, and nations suffer from diminished or immature masculinity and femininity. This truth plays out right before my eyes within the country I was raised in (Jamaica), and wider Western societies.
What causes the degradation of true masculinity and femininity? What the heck do these two concepts even mean? What visible signs in our relationships, homes, and society point to eroded manhood and womanhood? I will answer these questions and more in today’s post.
In this article:
📝 Defining True Masculinity & Femininity + Briefly Discussing the Root Causes of Their Decline.
🏘️Part 1: Three Visible Signs of Declining Masculinity, and How They Affect Women, Children, and Society.
🌷 Conclusion: Visible Signs of Mature Masculinity.
📝 Defining Masculinity & Femininity
There’s a primal instinct in a boy that tells him he’s a boy, soon to be a man. Likewise, there’s a primal instinct in a girl that tells her she’s a girl, soon to be a woman.
The natural tendency or disposition of the young man is to initiate, conquer, provide, protect, and lead. Meanwhile, the natural tendency or disposition of a young woman is to receive, create, nurture, support, and pull together.
Most of us innately, through biology and divine order, have an idea of what it means to be a man or woman. However, with the onset of sin, many have lost sight of who they are, and how to behave, or have allowed the enemy to dictate the borders and expression of their masculinity and femininity.
We will deviate from truth and benevolence even further as we pull ourselves away from God's truth.
Moreover, if a man or woman lacks strong parental guidance or wise counsel to teach and model what it means to be a man or woman, they will often enter the world with an unclear, misunderstood, and weak sense of self and purpose; or may even adopt toxic behaviors.
With these three issues at play: (1) the corruption of manhood and womanhood by the fall (root cause), (2) losing sight of who you are in God’s eyes (deviating from His truth), and (3) the lack of positive role models and guidance, have all contributed to the vast decline of mature masculinity and femininity that we’re observing today.
The best definitions of masculinity and femininity were taken from the book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem. Here they go:
At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.
At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and relationships from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.
I want to bring grace into these meanings given that we’re living in a fallen world. A man expressing mature masculinity doesn’t mean he is perfect and will never stumble. Likewise, a woman expressing mature femininity doesn’t mean she is perfect and will never stumble.
Rather, the above definitions can also take into consideration a man’s or woman’s daily responsibility to not follow sin, the self-serving tendencies of the flesh, or what mainstream media makes of manhood and womanhood, but instead embracing what God called men and women to be. I recommend reading that book to receive further clarification on God-defined manhood and womanhood.
Now that we have a foundational understanding of masculinity and femininity, and the three main factors that hinder their maturity and benevolent expression, let’s go deeper into understanding these terms by looking into the visible signs of immature or undeveloped masculinity (part 1) and femininity (part 2), and their implications on relationships, children and society. I’ll start this discussion based on what I observe in my home island, Jamaica, and the wider Western societies. Let’s begin with men (Part 1).
🏘️ 3 Visible Signs of Declining Masculinity, and How They Affect Women, Children, and Society.
1. The Rise in Fatherless Homes
Undisputedly, a visible sign of collective immature or declined masculinity is the increasing number of fatherless homes and children.
In my beautiful country, Jamaica, sadly,
More than a third of our nation's children have no father figure (PIOJ & STATIN, 2014).
over 90% of households are run by a child’s mother or a grandmother (PIOJ & STATIN, 2014).
approximately 85% of children are born out of wedlock.
nearly 50% of relationships in Jamaica end by the time a child is five or six years old.
Those stats are awful! Dr. Myles Monroe could be right when He said that “the greatest spiritual, social, economical and psychological curse on humanity is fatherlessness”, and the Jamaican nation right now is facing its devastating consequences.
Men are called to lead their homes and family. This truth is not a social construct but God-ordained. So, when we observe a society where men are willingly absent from their kids’ lives, and single mothers bear all or the majority of the upbringing responsibilities, this issue speaks volumes to weak masculinity and a great distortion of God’s order given to man.
Active fatherhood (not just sperm donors, or occasional money givers) is a holy, and fulfilling responsibility to bear. I believe men who refuse to take this duty seriously are missing out on lasting joys, true meaning, personal growth, and the opportunity to glorify Christ.
"Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers." Proverbs 17:6
When men fail to man up, people and society crumble.
📍Here’s how fatherlessness affects children:
Broken hearts
Behavioral disorder
Increased gun violence and senseless crimes
Increased incarceration
Increased substance abuse
Low performance at school
Increase unemployment
Reduce chances of success and achievement
Increased promiscuity and teen pregnancy
Increased risk of dysfunctional relationships
More likely to continue the fatherless crisis.
The list goes on, and all claims have been statistically proven.
📍 Here’s how it affects single mothers:
Increased poverty (it’s extremely challenging for single working or non-working mothers, especially those of lower socioeconomic background to bear all of the financial burdens necessary for raising children).
Increased chronic illnesses (eg, stress, depression, cancer, obesity. Raising children with little or no support often places great strain on a woman’s physical, mental, and emotional health).
Little bond with Children (Single mothers usually don’t bond deeply with their kids, as the time and energy needed to cultivate a meaningful relationship is spent working or stressing).
📍Here’s how it affects society:
Lower Infrastructural Development (a man who lacks the drive and sense of responsibility to lead his family, usually lacks the care and drive to build a society where His wives and children can live comfortably.
Lower Socio-Economic Development ( a country like Jamaica will never get to a desirable socio-economic condition until we curve the fatherless crisis. The greatest institution to build a nation, grow the economy, and curve societal ills is a collection of strong, stable, and God-fearing family units).
He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church? 1 Timothy 3:4-5
Even though Paul made that verse in response to a man’s ability to manage the church, it can also be applied to a man’s ability to lead society.
If men are absent from the home and don’t care to lead their own families to prosperity and health, then they will not earnestly desire to help build their country to prosperity and health.
Essentially, a decline of mature masculinity hinders the spirit of fatherhood, and, women, children, and society suffer from it. That brings me to my next point
2. The Low Involvement in Church & Community.
What happens when men fail to lead not only their homes but also the church and community?
Whenever I go to my grandmother’s church, the number of males there, spanning all age groups, is so few I could count them with my eyes closed. Whenever I visit another church up the street, it is run by the women taking up pastoral and overseeing roles that should be exercised and preserved by men, as commanded by scriptures.
So if the collective of Jamaican men are not in the homes leading their families, not in the church leading their congregations, and not in the community advancing its welfare, then where are they?
But oh, I long for the collective of Jamaican men to take their place in this post-modern world, and lead like their brother King David, and continue to fight the good fight like Benaiah the Cushite or like our forefathers who fought for our freedom so that modern black men now have the opportunity to lead their families, lead the church and build their communities—without restraints by long ago slave masters.
Inarguably, another visible sign of collective immature or declined masculinity is the decreased presence and participation of men in church and community projects.
Some may blame the feminization of these institutions as a turn-off for men, economic challenges for their absence in the home, or the government.
As Adam blamed Eve for the reasons He ate the apple, so do thousands of modern men find excuses for their absence or poor leadership at home, at church, and in their communities.
But mature masculinity finds expression in accountability, sustaining and protecting the family, and exercising good and proper moral and spiritual leadership to women, children, and members of society.
When men fail to get involved in the church and community:
Women are left to assume leadership roles which may lead to the feminization of these institutions (like the church, schools, etc). Plus, they miss the opportunity to witness men unapologetically live out their faith and roles.
Women are left to carry the sole responsibility of instilling values, teaching faith, and leading their children spiritually.
Children miss out on seeing their dads actively participating in leadership responsibilities, which may distort their sense of purpose and understanding of real manhood.
The church and community are vital support systems for social justice, charitable work, and moral development. When strong and good men withdraw from these settings, the social stability of the nation declines.
We need a return of more good men, valiant men, God-fearing men. He will not be perfect, but at least He’s interested in combating passivity, third-wave feminism, and cultural lies.
3. The Rise in Hedonistic Lifestyles
One of the biggest signs of immature masculinity is the rise in hedonism—that is when self-indulgence and entertainment are prioritized over values and ethical responsibilities, such as integrity, purpose, and fulfilling one’s duties towards family and work.
I live in a country where hedonism, I believe, is highly endorsed. Hundreds of men seem to find their sense of manhood by how much booze they drink, how wild and loud they get at parties, and how much sex they have with multiple women—rather than in their diligent and sacrificial efforts to care for those they love, and by their faithfulness and commitment to their wives and children, and building the nation.
I partly owe Dancehall music as the biggest influence of hedonism observed among thousands of Jamaican men who listen to and often follow the lyrics of some of these destructive songs.
Dancehall music mainly promotes self-pleasure, material success, pride, promiscuity, the degradation of women, and violence—a genre that some young men allow to shape and define their masculinity.
This reality is sad because true masculinity doesn’t prove one’s manhood through flaunting material possessions, sleeping with multiple women, excessive self-indulgence, or murdering another man.
Rather, true and sound masculinity is marked by a heart that is willing to serve and support others like Christ serves and supports us—a heart that leads with integrity and honesty—a heart that protects and honors women and children.
When men choose unproductive lifestyles —prioritizing personal pleasure and self-indulgence over responsibility, discipline, and meaningful contributions—women, children, and the nation suffer:
📍 Here’s how it affects women:
Broken relationships: Men who value vain pursuits over marriage usually don’t commit. This leaves their partners feeling heartbroken, abandoned, and unloved.
Unhappy Breadwinner Women: When men avoid their manly duties as providers and protectors, women are left to shoulder the financial, emotional, and physical burdens alone, leading to increased stress, poverty, and diminished well-being.
Women as Mere Toys: Sadly, hedonistic men often objectify women, reducing their value to mere sources of sexual pleasure. This view fosters toxic relationships or even leads to the abuse of women.
📍 Here’s how it affects children:
Absent Fathers: Hedonistic lifestyles often lead to absent or emotionally unavailable fathers.
Broken Children: When a man prioritizes pleasure over his role as a parent, children are left feeling abandoned, rejected, and insecure.
Poverty and Limited Opportunities: When men prioritize excessive entertainment rather than working hard, children often grow up in financially unstable environments—leading to limited access to education, healthcare, and opportunities to succeed.
📍 Here’s how it affects society:
Erosion of Society: Families are the building blocks of society. So when men neglect their familial roles for the pursuit of pleasure, families become unstable, and the state of society is eroded.
Rise in Social Issues: Responsible male leadership is essential to tackle social problems like crime, and juvenile delinquency and to maintain proper infrastructure. When men prioritize self-indulgence over purpose, the moral and ethical standards of a nation decline.
Loss of National Potential: When more men focus on unproductive pursuits, the nation loses support to its workforce, and economy, thereby, hindering national progress and development. This is one of the many issues I observe in my country, Jamaica.
Conclusion: When Men Be Men: Visible Signs of Mature Masculinity
This list is not exhaustive. There are more visible signs of failing manhood that I would like to talk about. But I hope that these three discussed have opened your eyes more to the visible signs of immature masculinity, and its dreadful impact on women, children, and the nation as a whole.
By the way, I can’t wait to get into part 2 discussing the the decline of femininity and its implications on men, children, and society.
Women, as men, contribute to the breakdown of marriages, families, and societies. Women, as men, have work to do to steer the future brighter, and towards God.
But while we’re still on manhood and eager to read the next post, here are several positive outcomes (visible signs) of mature masculinity. When men man up and abide in God—women, children, and society reap the fruits of their strength and hearts.
📍 Here’s how mature masculinity benefits women:
She is Led Well: Mature men provide steady and sound leadership to their wives, and mature women submit to, honor, and thrive under their husband’s proper leadership. Ephesians 5:25 – "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
Provided and Protected: Mature men protect their women—physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and work sacrificially to keep food on the table.
Colossians 3:19 – "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."
She is Honored: Mature men honor and respect women, seeing them as heirs of the grace of life. 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
📍 Here’s how mature masculinity benefits children:
Positive Role Model: Mature men serve as great role models for their children. Sons get to see that real men work for the good of His family, and the glory of God. Daughters get to see that real men treat their women with love and honor, inspiring her to marry someone with qualities similar to her dad. Proverbs 22:6 – "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."
Disciplined and Guided: Mature men raise their children well, teaching them what is right and wrong, honorable and dishonorable, fleeting and lasting. Children raised by them generally become productive citizens and respectful leaders and thinkers of their communities. Ephesians 6:4 –“…bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
📍 Here’s how mature masculinity benefits societies:
The Nation Prospers: When men are strong, nations are strong. The family units build the fabric of society. Since mature masculinity is essential for the health of families, every facet of society prospers from mature masculinity. Psalm 128:3-4 – "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord."
Leadership in Crisis: Mature men step up, not hide, when their country is falling. They contribute to the moral compass of the world, shaping their country with values such as integrity, accountability, and helping the needy.
This list is inexhaustive but aims to show the good everyone receives when men walk in the ways God calls them to. Similarly, in the next post, I’ll share the good everyone receives when women walk in the ways God calls them to.
📍 Importantly, let us not place men on the pedestal, only our Savior, Jesus Christ. We should encourage and pray that they walk with God, forsake sin, and lead their families, and nations well. But ultimately, lasting joy, satisfaction, and salvation are found in Christ, and Him alone, and soon, both believing men and women will bow down at His feet.
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Until next time, stay anchored.
P.S., what do you think about today’s article? Feel free to share. I’m excited to hear your thoughts.
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Good read and well thought out. Everything you said in part 1 about the effects of men not doing their duty are all true. Everything you said is true.....
But I have a what came first, the chicken or the egg question.
Is it the leaders fault no one follows him or is there fault with a follower who chooses not to be lead?
Jesus was a great leader and many chose not to follow him. We know it wasn't any fault of Jesus. So those choosing not to follow were just disobedient.
In my life I have witnessed good men driven out of their families lives by poorly behaving wives with a prejudice judicial system backing them. I saw very little choice for them. I had no advice I could give except to trust in our Lord.
So did men go bad first and become poor fathers and husbands forcing women to carry all the burdens or did society remove the male guardrails on women and they became insufferably and disobedient Jezabels; making themselves adversarial to their husbands and men? Either way the effects you describe are the same but the cause is different.