The Death of Femininity in Western Culture
The Three Visible Signs of Declining Femininity Include the Devaluation of Motherhood, The Rise of Hookup Culture, and the Masculinization of Women.
Is femininity dead? Of course, it’s not, but it’s DYING. I’ll share four reasons for its massive decline in just a moment. But before we explore these indicators, we must first understand what it means to be feminine.
In this article:
🌷Defining Femininity (What it Embodies & Who Created this Girl Stuff)
✨Three Visible Signs of Declining Femininity (Devaluation of Motherhood, Hookup Culture, and the Masculinization of Women)
✨Conclusion: Visible Signs of Mature Femininity.
In my previous article, I presented three key signs of masculine decline and how it affected women, children, and society. Those who read that post gained a clearer understanding of what true (mature) masculinity is and is not. We’ve learned through the lens of John Piper and Wayne Grudem that:
“At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.”
“At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and relationships from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.”
Now, let’s get deeper into the feminine side of things.
🌷 Defining Femininity
Right-wing and left-wing ideologies present two completely different views on what it means to be a true woman in today’s society. Eastern and Western cultures hold contrasting positions on how a "real" woman should look. Hollywood leads the class of Femininity 101—and their students include Gen Zers and Millennial women of various backgrounds.
Yet, all these sources are shallow when it comes to understanding true femininity.
Just a few decades ago, women were excited to be wives and mothers. Today, "having kids" is often the last thing on a woman's "ultimate bucket list." We have become more focused on climbing the corporate ladder and achieving financial success than cultivating meaningful relationships and lasting memories with our loved ones.
Even the intersection of beauty and femininity shifts like the wind. In the 1990s, being skinny with prominent breasts was a trend of its time (known as the heroin-chic look). These days, flaunting the baddie aesthetic is the new ideal. Too often, European beauty standards are elevated as the pinnacle of true beauty. I can hardly keep up! I need something solid in understanding what womanhood and femininity are all about, and that’s where the Designer comes in, who thankfully, doesn’t change like the wind.
Over the past 2 years, I’ve been studying what it means to be a true woman of God, and here’s a no-brainer: our attitude and disposition have a lot to do with becoming this woman.
The term “femininity” comprises a female’s attitudes and disposition. Femininity can be mature and immature. It can be toxic, and it can be inspirational.
But, true femininity is really about reflecting God’s design, as women, through nurturing, supporting, and embodying a receptive spirit.
Femininity is inextricably tied to womanhood. Femininity, basically, sets the atmosphere for women to flourish, be pursued, and cherished.
If you’re wondering about the difference between the two:
womanhood refers to the state of being a woman and encompasses the unique experiences across her lifespan, such as motherhood, marriage, menstruation, and adulthood.
Femininity focuses on the attributes traditionally associated with being a woman, such as nurturance, compassion, patience, gentleness, intuition, purity, and collaboration. However, in recent decades, femininity now embraces modern terms such as sexual expression, empowerment, and independence.
✨ Who Created Femininity
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
This verse (and the others below) speaks volumes on this topic! God created the male, manhood, and masculinity (man’s inherent disposition). Likewise, He created the female, womanhood, and femininity (woman's inherent disposition).
True femininity reflects specific aspects of God’s nature (eg, God as our nurturer and helper) and the unique qualities He imbued in women. The opposite is also true for men.
Thus, to become a truly feminine woman (three must-have qualities are discussed below), we must ditch what Hollywood and Instagram prescribe, and look to the words.
Since God created both male and female, true femininity can only be fully expressed by biological women, and true masculinity can only be fully expressed by biological men, not including transgender individuals.
It’s possible to be a woman without being feminine, but you can’t be truly feminine outside of being a woman.
🌷 What True Femininity Embodies
Many would say, 'Femininity is what you make of it.' While there’s some truth to that idea, especially when it comes to aesthetic preferences, from a Christian perspective, there are three integral attributes of femininity that every woman should embody. These include:
She exudes a nurturing spirit.
She exudes a supportive spirit.
She exudes a receiving spirit.
Let’s briefly look at each element before moving on to the next exciting part of this article.
1. A nurturing spirit 🌷
"So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander." 1 Timothy 5:14
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem." Isaiah 66:13
At the heart of a truly feminine woman is a deep desire to nurture. Remarkably, God created women with a unique capacity to bring forth life. In Genesis 2, we saw that God created Adam outside the garden before bringing him into it, while He created Eve inside the garden—the first home where the first woman bestows her love, care, and creativity.
The feminist movement has done a great disservice by suppressing this exquisite attribute of a woman by having her believe that raising children and managing the home is not one of the most exciting things to do on planet Earth.
But the women of the Bible thought differently. They exude an astounding passion to become mothers and nurturers. Visit the stories of Hannah, Rachel, and the wealthy Shummamite women in 2 Kings for examples. They got what many of us have lost: giving ourselves to others through acts of nurturing.
2. A Supportive Spirit🌷
"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Genesis 2:18
At the heart of a truly feminine woman is a deep desire to support the masculine to fulfill the will of God. We can see this dance vividly play out in marriage, though there are other meaningful ways Christian single women can support both men and women.
Mary a. Kassian and Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth wrote this powerful message in their book, True Woman 101, and I thought to share:
“The purpose of woman helping man isn’t about exalting the man. It’s really not about him (or her) at all. Her help contributes to both of them achieving a greater, nobler eternal purpose that is far bigger and more significant than their own existence. She labors and serves alongside him for the same purpose for which he labors and serves. And what is that? The glory of God. Woman helps man achieve the purpose of exalting and displaying the jaw-dropping magnificence of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”
The enemy wants women to think that playing a supportive role is demeaning or inferior. But God never communicated that lie, and we’re never more like Christ than when we are supportive and serving one another.
3. A Receptive Spirit🌷
“I am the Lord’s servant,' Mary answered. 'May your word to me be fulfilled.' Then the angel left her." Luke 1:38
A truly feminine woman exudes a receptive spirit, one that welcomes and affirms the strength, provision, protection, leadership, and love from the masculine.
This third attribute also accounts for the submissive spirit that God calls women to play in their marriage and while at church.
A woman exuding a receptive and quiet spirit (which is deemed as beautiful in God’s eyes ( see 1 Peter 3:4) may be thought of as a doormat to obstinate and arrogant women.
However, this special element of femininity doesn't call women to be walkovers or brain-dead, but rather to be receptive and responsive to the right things and to the right men (think godliness). And, as Isaiah 30:15 puts it, “in quietness and trust is your strength.”
Ladies, being a feminine woman is more than just baking bread in a flowy floral dress or milking cows in a jumpsuit. It has less to do with your personal style and more to do with your heart.
Lasting femininity exudes a nurturing, supportive, and receptive spirit that glorifies God. A woman who despises or looks down upon any of these attributes rejects what God deeply cherishes about His daughters. Therefore, the widespread decline in femininity we’re observing today is a consequence of the decline in the SPIRIT (DESIRE) OF WHO GOD CALLED US TO BE—FEMININE WOMEN.
Now, let’s move on to the fun part:
✨Three Visible Signs of Declining Femininity
Sign 1. The Devaluation of Motherhood
The first sign of declining femininity is the gradual devaluation of motherhood. The devaluation of anything simply means that something else is being valued and esteemed as the price. What do you think this is?
Well, it all began during the Industrial Revolution in the late 18th century. Before industrialization, most women stayed at home and cared for the children, and often worked alongside their husbands on farms or in home-based trades to support the family unit. The well-being of the family was the utmost priority, and both motherhood and fatherhood were deeply valued during this time.
However, as industrialization progressed, work moved to factories, and so did men, while their women stayed home and cared for the children. The economic system began assigning value to paid labor, and since cleaning poops did not contribute financially to the economy, society began viewing motherhood and domesticity as less valuable compared to wage-earning individuals.
In the 20th century, feminist movements brought incredible progress for women, fighting for rights to education, careers, and autonomy. But as women celebrated these strides, the nurturing and relational aspects of femininity that motherhood embodies declined.
I must mention that black people faced a whole different dilemma during the Revolution, as slavery was prevalent at the time. Enslaved African American mothers lacked both the privilege of being stay-at-home mothers and the opportunities for financial and career success. These opportunities came much later.
Additionally, the systematic dehumanization of black Americans in the past had created a negative stereotype in the expression of femininity among black women. For example, many today believe we’re less feminine (less womanly) and have undermined our ability to nurture our children as non-black mothers do. (If you want a dedicated article on this topic, lemme know.)
Anyways, the current decline in femininity affects all ethnic groups. Motherhood has traditionally been a domain where nurturance traits are cultivated and celebrated. However, when motherhood is devalued and professional success is glamorized, and when women avoid childrearing, and do so with a cheerful spirit, the world doesn’t get to marvel at this beautiful expression of femininity; men lose motivation to provide and protect; and children miss out on the warmth of loving mothers.
Sign 2. ✨The Rise in Hook-Up Culture
The second sign of declining femininity is the surge in hook-up culture among millennials and Gen Z women. And how does this affect femininity?
Well, you see, most women like to feel secure. Women who feel secure in their relationships tend to be more feminine. She is softer, freer, more cheerful, and more loving. Casual relationships don’t provide the emotional security that most women crave.
Senseless flings distort the deep feminine longing to bond, to love, and to feel deeply loved and seen.
Many argue that hookup culture and cohabitation allow women to redefine femininity on their own terms, ditching traditional feminine ideals like “purity and modesty” to embrace modern terms like “sexual freedom” and “self-expression.” But are women truly free in this situation?
Numerous studies expose the regret women share after giving their bodies away in pointless situationships. For example, this study found that 78% of women and 72% of men expressed regret after engaging in hookups.
The truth is that women thrive better in a committed relationship than in an uncommitted one.
Another way hookup culture affects the proper expression of femininity is that it defiles the body. In other words, hookup culture doesn’t uphold the purity and sacredness of sexual intimacy within the boundaries God established.
Remember, ladies, we are called to reflect the bride of Christ, to carry ourselves holy until the Groom returns. When women sleep around and disregard God’s good boundaries for sexual intimacy, the world doesn’t get to be in awe of this holy and precious expression of femininity; men lose the opportunity to court us properly; and the children who are born from these flings suffer the most.
Sign 3: ✨ The Masculinization of Women
“You’re too soft to be a yardie!” That is exactly what a former acquaintance told me two years ago, basically implying that it’s unnatural or maybe even inappropriate for me to act in such a soft, feminine manner, being a Jamaican (interesting🤔). It’s true that in my native culture, some men are so used to women acting tough and brash that the very presence of soft and controlled women startles them.
Women’s testosterone levels are sky-high these days, huh? And it doesn’t appear to be going down since women must act like a man to advance in life, right?
We are taught that we need to be fierce and tough to get ahead. We need to lead and dominate to be seen, while Sis Lydia, who exudes a nurturing and delicate disposition, is pitied. Oftentimes, we adapt these masculine traits at the expense of our womanliness.
I’m not saying that feminine and masculine traits are black and white in all circumstances, or that women should never display historically masculine traits such as providing financially for their family, or that men should never display historically feminine traits such as nurturing their 2-month-old infants. Our biological makeup and realities of life require us to leverage those qualities when necessary. But, in the grand scheme of things, men have a greater inclination towards initiating and conquering, and women towards welcoming and binding.
The masculinization of women typically follows two scenarios:
Women intentionally masculinize themselves by constantly operating from a state of “boss babes” and “hustle, no sleep” mentality. Corporate leaders such as Sheryl Sandberg advocate for women to “lean in” and embrace traditionally masculine traits to thrive in the workplace. Self-masculinization is also evident in the fitness space, where an increasing number of women are compelled to attain hardcore physiques like their male counterparts, at the expense of their natural curves and softer structure (it’s good for women to stay fit and healthy, and we can do without trying to look like John Cena).
Society masculinizes women when they don’t ask to be masculinized. A prime example of this is the masculinization of black women. For years, Black women have been portrayed as less feminine and less empathetic than their non-Black counterparts. You’ve likely heard the phrase, “You’re a strong black woman.” While this may sound empowering, it perpetuates a harmful stereotype that denies Black women the freedom to express vulnerability, softness, and dependence. Qualities traditionally associated with femininity.
I read a powerful post the other day, and this excerpt perfectly concludes this point:
“Feminine glory is suited only for a woman, not because men and women have nothing in common . We have everything in common as bone of the same bone, flesh of the same flesh, but because our sameness only makes sense in light of the Triune God, who is distinct in three persons.
When we forsake our feminine glory in pursuit of the uniqueness that belongs to men, we abandon our God-given glory; we become usurpers, persistently insisting that our uterus and biology are equal to nothing, irrelevant.
Women believe the lie that in order to be relevant in a man’s world, you become like a man, when the opposite is true. Do you want to be relevant? Then shock the world and be what you were made to be: a fearless, unflappable, God-fearing woman. Do not abandon the very differences that make you essential.”
I believe that when the line blurs, and when women don’t act feminine anymore or men don’t act masculine anymore, the world doesn’t get to be entertained by the harmonious dance of the opposite sexes, and children grow up struggling to understand what real men and real women ought to be.
✨Conclusion: Visible Signs of Mature Femininity
To restore a deep love for being feminine is to restore a great love for being a woman. To restore the hearts of women is for women to turn to God. He wired your feminine bents for a purpose, and this is to work complementary and interdependently with the masculine for His glory.
A year ago when I began reading the bible more thoroughly, I was amazed by the skillful balance of grace and strength displayed by notable women of the scriptures. Their lives helped me to get a clearer understanding of what true femininity looks like. Here are some of the visible signs of mature femininity through the lens of a few of these women.
She supports her husband in fulfilling God’s will (e.g., Sarah’s pregnancy that ultimately leads to the birth of Christ, and Pricilla's support of her husband both in business and ministry).
She is receptive and responsive to truth and what is good (e.g., Mary of Bethany listening to Jesus, Lydia’s openness to the gospel; Rahab protecting the spies).
She is kind and hospitable ( e.g., Dorcas making clothes for the widows and needy; the Shummamite woman welcoming Elisha to rest at her home).
She is faithful and obedient (e.g., Ruth leaving her homeland to care for Naomi and following God's plan; Mary accepting her calling to bear the Messiah despite the challenges).
She is strong & wise (e.g., Esther sacrificed her life to save her people; Abigail, who wisely diffused the heat between her husband and David, thereby saving her household from destruction).
She nurtures her children and looks well after her household (e.g. Proverb 31 Woman).
I came to embrace that true femininity is all about glorifying God in who He calls us to be a women. I pray that as we go about our days, we adopt these timeless feminine qualities, and not those horrific traits of the wayward woman.
Sadly, because of sin, becoming this ideal feminine woman has its challenges. But, as God’s daughters, we can further amaze and challenge the world by honing and delighting in our roles as nurturers, wives, and wise responders to truth.
Talk again, later ❤️
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The Death of Masculinity & Femininity Pt 1
“When sin entered the world, it affected man’s inherent strength and woman’s inherent softness.”
Wow! A Radical Perspective of a True Woman
“An excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous], who is he who can find her? Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls.” (Prov 31:10 AMP)
This was such an INCREDIBLE read. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you! 🤍