Exposing the Wayward Woman | 11 Bad Traits to Avoid as Kingdom Worshippers.
For no one told her to cherish her body, to walk in God’s wonderful truth, and to reject culture’s falsehoods re true sexual fulfillment and feminine freedom.
A few weeks ago, I introduced you to the True Woman 7-Part Series, where we’re examining what it means to be a true woman in today’s culture, why it matters, and how to become this rare kind of woman.
In Part 1, “Authentic Womanhood: What it Means to be a True Woman in Today’s Culture”, we identify that to become a true woman, we must look through the lens of the One who made woman, i.e., God. Therefore, we concluded that a true woman is a woman of God.
She is a woman who reveres the Lord, surrenders her life to His reign, and exemplifies excellent character.
In Part 2, “From Lukewarm to Radiant: 4 Wholesome Reasons to Become a True Woman,” we answered the most daring question, “Why should l care about becoming true woman of God. Is it worth pursuing?”
I said, Yes unashamedly, and provided four powerful reasons to strive to become this classic type of girl. These include:
We get to embody God’s timeless truth.
We become godly and positive role models to future generations.
Our souls become radiant and fulfilled like never before.
We get to share in an intimate relationship with our Maker.
In Part 3, I explained what it means to be a truly beautiful woman.
We discovered that true beauty transcends physical allure.
Instead, it is defined by the unfading qualities of a woman’s heart that reflect and honor the heart of Christ. Today, we journey further into this impactful series by unveiling the stark contrast to the true woman, the wayward woman.
In part 4, we're uncovering 11 Destructive and Unattractive Qualities to Avoid at All Costs as Kingdom Women.
The purpose of today’s post is to help women identify the ungodly and/or unpleasant traits that hinder their feminine wholeness and displease God.
I hope that after today’s reading, you’ll become inspired and empowered to embrace and cultivate the timeless qualities (as discussed in part 3) that make you truly beautiful and precious in God's eyes.
Before we dive into these harmful traits, let’s define a few terms.
(i) Wayward Woman, noun: describes a woman who is rebellious, unfaithful, and determined to find one’s way that often contradicts God’s truth. She likes to be worshipped and prioritizes self-indulgence and materialism over nurturing a meaningful relationship with God. Such a woman lacks humility, integrity, and wisdom.
(ii) Destructive, adj: describes a woman’s attitude and action that may bring havoc into her life, and create a spiritual separation from God.
(iii) Unattractive, adj: refers to personal traits and behaviors that are spiritually and morally undesirable.
(iv) True woman, noun: a term given to a lady who reveres the Lord, is saved by His grace and embodies virtuous character.
Synonyms: daughter of the King; most beautiful.
(v) True beauty, noun, and adj: refer to the unfailing qualities of a woman’s heart that reflect and honor the heart of Christ.
(vi) Kingdom woman, noun: a woman who surrenders to God’s sovereign rulership and boldly lives out her faith with purpose and joy.
With an understanding of these terms, let’s now explore the 17 Destructive & Unattractive Qualities to Avoid at All Costs as Kingdom Women.
11 Destructive Qualities to Avoid at All Costs as Kingdom Women
1. She has no fear of God
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
The first destructive quality to avoid as kingdom women is NOT having a fear of God.
In fact, it’s impossible to become a true woman of God without possessing sincere respect for Him.
Having a genuine fear of God is the heart and essence of a true woman.
The fear of God is not about being scared of Him. Rather, it’s about embodying a deep reverence and awe for God’s authority, glory, and righteousness.
A wayward woman lives her life with zero sensitivity to God’s commandments and standards for virtuous living.
Because she has no fear of Him, she blatantly indulges in sin, mocks Christ’s truth, and blindly follows a perilous path that creates chaos in her life.
Because she has no fear of God, she fails to grasp the spiritual consequences of her actions and is later shocked to realize that her choices never truly satisfy.
Don’t be this woman. Instead, grow in your fear and delight of God.
Become a true woman who lives in deep reverence for Her King; who recognizes God as supreme, holy, and deserving of all praise and honor.
Be the woman who is committed to righteousness and following His timeless truth for your life.
“And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the LORD your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul.” Deuteronomy 10:12
2. She is Prideful
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18
The second destructive quality to avoid as kingdom women is pride.
I realize that people would talk a lot about pride and arrogance in men, and little about pride and arrogance in women, as if pride and arrogance in women are not also extremely detestable in God’s eyes.
A prideful and arrogant woman has an inflated sense of self-importance and self-entitlement.
In all she does, she credits herself, taking the glory that belongs exclusively to God.
She thinks she can figure everything out by herself and shows little regard for receiving true wisdom and correction from wise counsel and timeless biblical principles.
The pride of a wayward woman is often subtle and cunning for it’s usually hidden in her physical beauty, posture, aesthetic style, and the sweet-sounding words that come from her mouth.
However, pride in women can also be blatant and loud, as we’re seeing increasingly in today’s culture, among modern women who flaunt themselves on the internet and battle for the world’s attention, and who place their worth in the shape of their bodies and follower count.
Don’t be this woman. Instead, place your pride and confidence in this: that you know God.
But Ash, shouldn’t I be proud of my accomplishments, and my feminine beauty?
Of course! But the heart posture behind your pride separates the wayward woman from a true woman of God.
God detests the kind of pride that places self on the pedestal, but He delights in those who boast on the cross and gratifies Him for every good gift.
Be the woman who
recognizes her abilities, accomplishments, and feminine beauty as blessings from God;
who understands that true victory and fulfillment are unattainable without Him; and
who doesn’t seek to glorify self, but her Father above.
Be she who rejects worldly pride and chooses humility.
"This is what the Lord says: 'Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,' declares the Lord." Jeremiah 9:23-24
For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory." Psalms 149:4
3. She is Ungrateful
“For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.” Romans 1:21
The third destructive quality to avoid as Kingdom women is ingratitude.
A wayward woman is never satisfied.
She is hungry for the wrong things that never wholly quench feminine longing.
She lusts for more attention, fame, and praise. She craves more beauty, more curves, more money, a better car, a better spouse!
She is unhappy with the way God made her body and designed her curls.
Ungrateful and insecure women are usually controlled by big beauty corps that push a narrow beauty standard and constantly remind women of how happier, younger, and more attractive they could become if they just try their next product.
Nothing God or loved ones do for her is good enough. She just wants more!
If something doesn't get done her way, she whines.
In addition to being ungrateful, she is also covetous. Her eyes linger on people’s things. She doesn’t appreciate what she already has, nor take the time to express genuine thanksgiving.
Don't be this woman. Instead, give thanks to God in all circumstances.
Express deep gratitude for often-overlooked blessings, such as health, food, and shelter.
If you are a mother, give thanks for your children. If you are a wife, give thanks for a lifelong companion. If you’re single, give thanks for this season to draw closer to God. Give thanks for creative and spiritual gifts to do the will of God.
Give thanks for the beautiful way He made your face and body. Recognize that you are blessed and highly favored by the Most High—He, who has chosen you for eternal fellowship. Therefore, celebrate His goodness. Delight in His works!
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe." Hebrews 12:28
4. She is Promiscuous
"The woman Folly is loud; she is seductive and knows nothing.” Proverbs 9:13
The fourth destructive quality to avoid as a Kingdom woman is being promiscuous.
A wayward woman is promiscuous. A promiscuous woman engages in sexual activities with several different men.
Sadly, just as many women don’t realize they are behaving waywardly, i.e., rebelling against God, many women are spiritually and morally blinded from the consequences of their promiscuous choices, and uninformed of God’s wonderful design and purposes for sex and intimacy within the boundaries He established.
Women who believe giving away their bodies outside a holy marriage to be liberating are usually influenced by the leftist ideology that encourages women to sleep around and ditch purity.
A promiscuous woman holds a shallow (less sacred) view of sex.
She thinks having sex is just a physically pleasurable act, and bears no consequences when enjoyed outside God’s timeless truth for romance.
As Proverbs 9:13 describes her, “She knows nothing”.
For no one has sat down and told her to cherish her body, to walk in God’s wonderful truth, and to reject culture’s falsehoods relating to true sexual fulfillment and feminine freedom.
If you are engaging in sex outside the boundaries God established, I encourage you to discontinue treading this dangerous path.
Instead, recognize that God created sex as a beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife.
See that the intimacy between a husband and wife points to the gospel. It is a beautiful reflection of Christ’s (the husband) unconditional and faithful love for His bride (the church, including you, God’s precious daughter!).
See that the boundaries God places on our sexual expression are for our good, saving us from social ills, such as STDs, abortion, and fatherless children.
Above all, repent and seek God’s forgiveness, who graciously heals the sexually broken; who,o through the blood of Jesus Christ, has washed away our sexual sins and clothed us with purity.
Therefore, as born-again Christians, we are called and have what it takes to live in sexual holiness and true feminine freedom.
"Come now, let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.'" Isaiah 1:18
"Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more" John 8:11.
5. She is Lazy
“The sluggard’s craving will be the death of him because his hands refuse to work” Proverbs 21:25
The fifth destructive quality to avoid as Kingdom women is laziness.
Who is a lazy woman?
She is one who would rather sit around and idle all day, refusing to put her strength and gifts to meaningful use.
She is the one who would place minimal effort into managing the home and raising the children well.
She is the one who delights more in knowing people’s business, strolling through TikTok, watching reality shows, and entertaining in senseless drama.
She is also the one to blame others (such as a man or kids) for her unfulfilled longings.
Please, don’t confuse laziness with choosing to relax, rejuvenate, or enjoy leisure time.
Solomon commended the enjoyment of life (Eccl 8:15); Christ acknowledged the need for rest and solitude amidst busy lives (Mark 6:31); and after God made creation, He rested on the 7th day and commanded His children to find weekly rest from their toil. ( Exo 20:8-10).
However, just like every good gift, rest and downtime can be abused, turning into sluggardness.
Don’t be a lazy woman.
Instead, be the girl who works hard in every season God places you in.
Recognize that God ordained you to engage in meaningful work.
Be the girl who delights in the strength of your youth as a gift to engage in productive work that glorifies the King and blesses others.
Be the girl who shows up fully for the well-being and prosperity of her family, marriage, and her own life.
“The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied." Proverbs 13:4
“She watches over the affairs of her household, and doesn't eat the bread of idleness” Proverbs 10:4
6. She is Self-Entitled
“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:26-28
The sixth unattractive quality to avoid as Kingdom women is self-entitlement.
A self-entitled woman believes she inherently deserves special treatment, attention, and privileges beyond what she has earned or is reasonably entitled to.
She thinks the whole world revolves around her perceived rights, wants, and needs.
This unhealthy trait often manifests in her marriage, family, and spiritual life.
As a wife, she expects her husband to go above and beyond for her without reciprocating the same love and devotion required to sustain a healthy marriage.
She is the type to take her man’s love and effort for granted, and whines if he doesn't meet some of her unrealistic demands.
As a mother, receiving an appropriate level of praise and gratitude for her sacrifices is not enough. Instead, she wants her children to place her on a pedestal and worship her instead of pointing them to worship God.
She is the type to disregard her kids' own interests, individuality, struggles, and adult responsibilities, and expects them to always meet her expectations and needs.
A self-entitled woman also has a distorted understanding of how God works.
Because God graciously brought her into existence, she thinks she is obligated to His blessings. She behaves like some of the ungrateful Israelites in the wilderness who failed to acknowledge and praise God for bringing them out from Egypt and meeting their basic needs throughout their journey to the promised land.
Moreover, she blames God for her shortcomings and failures, rather than seeing her disobedience as a prerequisite for destruction.
Don’t be a self-entitled woman.
Here’s some truth you should know:
The world doesn’t revolve around you or owe you anything!
Don’t expect it to give you riches and opportunities without you working for it.
God is not Santa Claus, whom you can bend according to your needs.
God delights in providing for our daily needs, not from a sense of obligation, but because of His undying love for His children, whom He blesses according to His own will and timing.
Don’t ever misinterpret God’s grace as a right rather than a gift!
Humility & Servanthood are virtues.
If you want to be seen as truly beautiful, especially in God’s eyes, forget the makeup and pursue humility.
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.” Romans 12:3
“just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28
7. She Speaks Perversely
“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4 NIV
The seventh unattractive quality to avoid as a Kingdom woman is speaking perversely and rudely.
There is nothing more unattractive in a woman than a trashy tongue that lacks wisdom and enjoys bringing down others.
Many of us witness this unpleasant behavior on social media, around us, and in our personal lives (but I do hope you’re a different kind of gal!).
A wayward woman proudly speaks her mind, without considering how her hurtful and impolite words might affect others.
She speaks whatever she wants as if she doesn’t care about the emotional well-being of those who listen to her.
She willingly chooses to talk rudely to stir up mischief and insult her opponent. She then blames her bad behavior on the devil.
A woman who is accustomed to speaking disrespectfully tends to believe she’s a victim, and therefore, utter any humiliating and derogatory words to try and defend her ground and sense of worth.
Here’s the truth, ladies: the nature of your words reveals your true character.
If you’re quick to speak slanderously whenever you feel offended shows how much you need to work on yourself.
And it starts by aligning your heart with the teaching of Christ.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32
“Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.” Proverbs 4:24
Be the Kingdom woman who speaks graciously and respectfully at all times; who thinks before she chats; who speaks words to demolish, rather than heighten arguments; and whose speech edifies and inspires others, even her enemies.
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer” John 19:14
8. She Belittles Men
"For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts." 2 Timothy 3:6
The eighth unattractive trait to avoid as Kingdom women is a tendency to belittle men.
Many of us grow up hearing and even believing some of these belittling declarations and stereotypes about men:
‘Men are trash!’, ‘All men are dogs!’, ‘Men only care about one thing!’, ‘All men are the same!’, ‘Men can’t be trusted!’, and ‘All men cheat!’
Yet, most of us women yearn to marry and love our beloved prince charming and perhaps give him two babies. Men are dogs, yet 99% of women want to be a wife to a man.
The reality is that women who belittle men have been hurt by them and see them as the source of their misery, unhappiness, and misfortunes.
I know what it is like to be hurt by men, so I deeply understand a woman’s suffering caused by the actions of some men. However, ladies,
until we recognize who the real enemy is, ie, Satan, and start to align ourselves with Christ, we’ll continue seeing men as wicked demons, instead of image bearers of God.
Men, like women, are equally imperfect and fall short of God’s glory. The only means to restore the male-female harmony is for both parties to die to themselves and place Christ at the center of the relationship.
There are bad men, and there are good men.
Not all men are trash. Not all men are dogs. Not all men want you for just sex. Not all men are the same. Not all men are liars. Not all men cheat.
If you tend to belittle and minimize men, stop now.
Women are not accountable for a man’s actions, but we are accountable for ours.
Did we carefully vet the man before lying in bed with Him? Did we seek God’s blessings and presence for the relationship?
There are thousands of wonderful, strong, and kind Kingdom men waiting for the right woman to love, pamper, and honor.
Until he comes, prepare yourself into a worthy Kingdom woman.
I encourage you today to seek God’s help in healing the feminine soul bruised by unhealthy men and poor relationship choices.
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
9. She Disdains Serving Her Children
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1
The ninth destructive quality to avoid as a kingdom woman is harboring a negative attitude towards serving your children.
A wayward woman looks down on motherhood and domesticity.
She is somewhat unmindful and insensitive to the great, beautiful, and holy calling that God called women to play at home.
She has fallen for the modern feminist lies that caring for the family and managing home affairs is less meaningful and impactful compared to having a 7-figure career.
As a result, we’re seeing more mothers tapping out from being a fully present, intentional, and joyful parent.
Her feet would rather roam the world, but when they do stay at home, her heart is barely glad.
Her lack of desire to be a good and dedicated mother often pours out into her children's souls as she hollers disgraceful and demeaning words to shatter their confidence and youthful joy.
Don’t be like this woman.
First, I want you to recognize that God gave women a greater bent toward nesting, nurturing, and caring for children and that this exquisite feminine disposition is precious in His sight.
Second, see your children as great treasures from God. Out of all other women, you have been called to help raise these little humans.
Third, delight in your role as a mother. Remember, ladies, you help set the tone of the home.
Be committed and cheerful in fostering a warm and nurturing environment where your sons and daughters can play, rest, cry, laugh, and grow.
A heart that disdains serving the family is an attack on God.
“And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’’ Matthew 18:3
"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him." Psalms 127:3
10. She is Insecure *(has low self-esteem)
"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5
The tenth unattractive quality to avoid as kingdom woman is becoming a slave to insecurity and low self-esteem.
An insecure woman suffers from a lack of confidence and assurance within herself. She is never truly happy. This is because
She constantly compares her beauty, achievements, worth, and relationship status with that of another woman.
She tries to measure up to society's false definition of a true woman, or
she never took the time to break free from belittling and limiting messages that were declared over her life by loved ones.
An insecure woman may think she’s not beautiful and desirable enough to marry a high-value man.
She may think she’s not deserving of true love, commitment, and to experience the finest things in life.
It’s normal to feel a bit insecure and timid every now and then.
However, it’s not okay when a woman allows nagging, doubtful feelings to consume her precious identity and deepest desires.
God has blessed His daughters with timeless feminine disposition, creative gifts, and the power to accomplish great things.
As daughters of the King, we should place our identity solely in Him and embrace that He made us very good.
The truth is that
The root of a woman’s insecurity rests in her unkept relationship with God. Therefore, the solution to overcome your insecurities and low self-esteem and to reclaim confidence in your worth, beauty, body, and abilities is to constantly pursue God.
David declares, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
Do you, sis, know that fully well?
Get out of the comparison trap! External validation is superficial.
Instead, seek the heart that loves you most, and clothe you eternally worthy via Christ.
Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
*I must mention that this particular trait is not exclusively wayward (dishonorable to God), and affects most, if not all of us.
11. She is Envious
"Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Proverbs 27:4
Last, but not least, avoid being an envious brat.
An envious woman often harbors intense hatred and ill will, particularly towards other women, because she perceives them as having more possessions, achievements, beauty, or happiness than she does.
She’s the kind of woman I strongly recommend you avoid at all costs.
She’ll try to tear you down, tarnish your character, spread false gossip about you, and stir up conflict.
An envious woman will despise seeing you win, love, laugh, and enjoy life to its fullest.
Envy should have no place within God’s daughters’ hearts.
The moments it lingers speak to a
A lack of gratitude for the blessings God has given us.
A lack of trust in God’s sovereign plan to provide for our needs, desires, and longings.
A scarcity mindset, rather than one of abundance.
There is enough room for all of us to experience success, joy, and happiness.
Don’t envy other women.
Instead, be that woman who wishes to see others prosper and thrive; who doesn’t covet and become restless over people’s things, but who prays to God for blessings according to His will for your life.
A woman who is rooted in God found an unexplainable abundance in Him. This propels her to embrace her unique individuality, experiences, and path that God has established for her.
She has no interest in coveting her neighbor’s house.
"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30
"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." Exodus 20:17
Let’s Go, ladies.
In wrapping part 4 of our series, we’ve explored 11 destructive qualities to avoid as women after God’s heart.
By identifying these unpleasant traits, we gain insights into some of the behaviors and attitudes, notable among women, that not only dishonor God but also steal our feminine radiance.
As you reflect on today’s insights, I encourage you to consider which of these traits resonate with you the most.
Are there any specific traits that you’re wrestling with?
What steps can you take today in confronting that particular behavior and aligning yourself more with God’s teachings and vision for your life?
Allow the timeless qualities discussed in Part 3 to guide you in becoming the truly beautiful and cherished woman God envisions.
As we end today’s post, remember becoming the woman God wants you to be is a journey of continuous growth in faith, obedience, putting aside the sinful self, and allowing the Holy SPIRIT to take precedence.
So, embrace this journey with compassion and consistency. Through God’s grace, you have what it takes to cultivate these timeless and beautiful attributes that honor Him and enrich your life.
May you find the power in Christ to step into the radiant, purposeful life that He has prepared for you.
If you found great value in today’s newsletter, inspire others by sharing it. Together, we can uplift and encourage more women to embrace their true selves in God.
Join us in a couple of weeks as we study notable women of the bible who embody true beauty and womanhood. '
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