The Loneliness Epidemic between Men and Women.
Silent dinners. Sleeping in a house, but not a home. Empty weekends. No one to laugh with. No one to build with. No one to love.
Many men and women today would think that they don’t need each other. Some women would say they don’t need a man. It’s true (financially speaking) that more and more women don’t have to depend on a man to survive, or afford and enjoy the fine things in life. Financial independence is highly celebrated and even idolized by some. And while I’m not anti-woman-independent, especially considering my humble beginnings and drive to create a better life outcome, I’ve come to see that an over-focus on independence and one’s self, and an under-focus on others, and nurturing genuine relationships, eventually leaves both men and women emotionally starved and relationally disconnected.
A few months ago, I stumbled across a TikTok video where several older women appeared to be crying about how lonely they’ve become over the years. They expressed regrets for being so caught up in careers and making money, and not having an intimate partner to share life with. Some also regret not having children.
You see, there’s another layer of this “doing life alone” narrative that not many people talk about:
Silent dinners. Sleeping in a house, but not a home. Empty weekends. No one to laugh with. No one to build with. No one to love.
Men also suffer from loneliness more than we realize.
A recent survey conducted by Harvard University found that men and women were about equally likely to be lonely. The study reported that 21% of Americans experience serious loneliness, with many reporting both social-emotional and existential loneliness. A large portion said they didn’t feel part of meaningful groups (67%) or lacked close friends or family (61%). Many also felt deeply disconnected from others on a fundamental level (65%).
When asked why they believed they were lonely, 73% of respondents blamed technology, 66% pointed to a lack of quality time with friends and family, and 62% said it was because they worked too much.
And more research continues to unfold this loneliness epidemic that we’re facing. There are also fewer marriages, shorter relationships, less trust, more assumptions, and more bitterness between the sexes.
However, beyond the tough skin, confident walk, flashy cars, cool IG posts, and woke speeches is the longing for real men and women to experience a deep, unshakable bond with each other.
Real men long to be the Nightingale armor for their woman, and to experience her unconditional devotion and support. Real women long to serve their husbands, home, and children, and to experience the joy of being loved, protected, and cared for. We crave emotional safety, to know what it’s like to be vulnerable without being judged or pitied.
We were never meant to do life alone. Partnership is a part of God’s plan for man. From the very beginning, God gave Eve to Adam and commanded them to be fruitful, fill the earth, and steward it together (Gen 2:18; 1:28). At first, men and women lived in harmony and interdependence, but now we live in tension. This is because when sin entered the world, it marred the relationship between men and women, causing division, pride, power struggles, competition, shame, brokenness, loneliness, and isolation.
But Jesus has broken the curse. Through Christ, we can relearn how to love one another, how to trust, and how to navigate friendship, dating, and marriage with Christ at the center. We don’t need to apologize for craving closeness, as we were wired that way, and to find ultimate fulfillment in God.
So make time for God and His words, as sometimes loneliness doesn’t always come from being alone, but from being spiritually disconnected. Also, make time for love, family, and friends. Make time to get to know a person more profoundly. Make time for adventure and good memories.
No man is an island.
No man stands alone.
(Joan Baez, 1968)