Must I Need or Want my Husband?

Desiring true love is wonderful. It’s human. It’s godly. It’s woman.

Over the years, I’ve noticed something. I’ve heard so many women say things like “I don’t need a man.” And they say it proudly, like a badge of honor. I’m not married yet, but I’m truly looking forward to being a wife one day. That desire sits deep in my heart.

But it’s so interesting that in all my 26 years of existence, I’ve never once heard a man say, “I don’t need a woman.” Isn’t that something?

Here’s what I understand based on what I observe in the culture:

• For men, a woman’s presence or having a life companion is essential to them. Like the Word says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).

• For women, a man’s presence or having a life companion is often seen as optional. In other words, many women believe what Gloria Steinem once said, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

That’s a big contrast, so I started asking myself lately:

Are women lying, brainwashed by modern feminism, and covering up their deep desire to be loved by a handsome Prince Charming? Are men dumb enough to believe they need women to survive and thrive? Or can both sexes truly live and progress happily without each other? And have women confused independence with isolation?

As someone who desires to be married one day, must I perceive a potential spouse or a romantic marital relationship as a need or want?

I can’t speak for all women, but here’s what I stand:

Men and women equally need each other. I need Him.

“Nevertheless, in the Lord, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” 1 Corinthians 11-12.

I don’t know if you also recognise it, ladies, but there’s an attack on true and lasting love. Don’t you realise that the enemy wants us to settle for cheap, counterfeit situationships that leave us confused, heartbroken, and ashamed. Or lonely and bitter, only dreaming of our “ideal life with our ideal partner,” and can’t get to live out who we want to be as women, and with whom.

We’ve come to shun the deep desires of the feminine, human heart:

• The desire to be chosen.

• The desire to be loved, pursued, and protected.

• The desire to be led by someone who is wise and kind.

We’ve made it seem like wanting a man is self-pity. Like wanting marriage makes us weak and into some outdated trad girls. But that’s not weakness at all, my dear. Desiring true love is wonderful. It’s human. It’s godly. It’s woman.

I see the value of men.

I see the beauty in having a special one as a life companion and lover.

Someone to raise strong, joyful children with.

Someone to build a family business with.

Someone to pass on my Christian values to my children with.

Someone who will protect me, cover me, and walk beside me when life gets hard.

Someone I can glorify Christ with.

Someone I can put the gospel on display with by being the bride who mirrors the Church's love for Christ.

I’m not afraid to say it out loud (especially to the women who are anti-men!)
I want to be married to a great man!

I want to bear all his children.

I want to care for our home with intention and love.

I want to serve him well and be loved deeply in return.

No, I don’t need him to breathe. I don’t need him to earn an income. I don’t need him to go to heaven. I won’t die without the warmth of a man's embrace. I won’t collapse if I never hear “I love you” from the love of my life.

But oh, how beautiful it would be if we recognised each other as our greatest blessings. Two beings created in the Father’s image. Two flesh unite into one. Two hearts devoted to the same purpose.

I still believe God writes beautiful love stories. The first love story was when He saved me through the blood of Christ. This is enough, though it doesn’t replace the next love story I long to see unfold in my life—the love story between a husband and his wife.

I leave you with this: desiring or needing a husband isn’t weakness. IT’S GOOD. IT’S GODLY. IT’S WOMAN.

Can we recover the beauty of interdependence without shame? And when did wanting someone become a threat to our worth?

Thoughts on this post are always welcome❤️

With Love, Ashaki.

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