Feminine Glow Under Attack
How These 7 Heart Stuffs Diminish Your Feminine Radiance, and How We Can Heal the Wounds.
Feminine Radiance represents the joy, passion, peace, receptivity, and softness of a woman.
A Brief Tale on the Outcome of a Broken Soul.
Once, there lived a young woman named Emily. She was a kind, loving, and vibrant woman. Emily had a radiant smile that often melted the hearts of those around her. She was an optimistic lady, passionate about the future, and experiencing a fulfilling romantic life. Emily felt truly happy and whole within her soul.
But then she met a young man named Charles, who promised her reciprocated love, kindness, and faithfulness. At first, Emily believed she had found her soul mate. However, as time unfolded, she saw his true character unmasked. Charles proved to be a deceitful, selfish, and abusive man. He often belittled and exploited Emily, shattering her trust and spirit.
Charles's cruelty towards Emily left deep scars on her soul. She was intensely enraged and resentful towards him, but even more so towards herself for falling for his BS.
One sunny morning, Emily decided she had enough of his garbage. She had finally gained the strength to leave the toxic relationship once and for all. Despite the excruciating pain she continued to feel after leaving Charles, Emily clung to hope, believing that she would find healing and become happy once again.
Sadly, that day never arrived. Each time Emily remembered her abusive past, the weight of her pain became unbearable, and her sense of identity and self-worth gradually eroded. Eventually, Emily succumbed to the darkness. She lost hope in the brighter days she once envisioned; and sadly, gave in to suicide.
Unhealed wounds create unpleasant emotions, and unpleasant emotions steal our joy, and sometimes our entire life.
This tale reflects millions of real-life experiences by women who gave into their traumas—allowing the wrongs that someone has done to them, or the wrongs they believe they have done to themselves, to steal their joy and feminine radiance.
By drawing from the wisdom and healing power of God, reflecting on my personal stories, and observing the emotional and mental consequences in the lives of others around me, I’ve come to recognize the seven brutal emotions that erode feminine radiance. These are:
envy, resentment, depression, guilt, anxiety, insecurities, and loneliness.
I believe all women, including myself, have struggled with one or a few of these emotions at some point. My question is, which wounds are you allowing to steal your joy, peace, and sanity?
Maybe your situation doesn’t turn out as extreme as ending your life as Emily (oh, I hope not), but whatever you’re going through, whether big or small, matters.
In today’s article, I’m exposing the seven soul-crushing emotions that hinder the joy, laughter, passion, peace, and softness (feminine radiance) of countless modern women.
1. Envy/Jealousy
Envy is characterized by feelings of resentment, discontentment, and ill will towards another person because of their possessions, accomplishments, talents, or physical appearance.
Giving into envy/jealousy can severely impact a woman’s sense of joy and worth. At its core, envy is a whisper of insecurity, a display of greed and ingratitude, and a sense of dissatisfaction with what one already has in their life.
shot taken and edited by me at Martha’s Vineyard.
I often see how envy snakes its way into a woman’s heart. It usually begins with a harmless glance or thought like, “Oh, I wish I was as ________ as her,” whether it be successful, happy, beautiful, attractive, famous, talented, happily married, etc.
Inherently, there is nothing wrong with wishing to have a certain trait, possession, or lifestyle that you notice in another person’s life. The problem arises when that
natural desire becomes jealousy,
love becomes hate, and
inner peace becomes unrest.
A woman should never allow envy to take hold of her spirit. When it does,
it dims the light within her. It chips away at her sense of worth and her unique individuality. It distorts the perception of herself and others while hindering genuine connections with friends and relatives.
Essentially, a woman harboring envy becomes bitter and miserable.
Thankfully, I know many women who see another woman’s success, beauty, and happiness as inspiration to also experience the same—while embracing their unique beauty, gifts, and the distinct path that God has established for them.
This is what we should force our hearts to do when we’re tempted to become jealous of someone else’s possessions:
We should show love and support for that person's blessings and success, wish them all the best, and maybe take snippets of that person's life to make it also come true in our lives. Most importantly, establish your worth in God, and allow Him to establish your path.
Proverbs 14:30
"A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot."
2. Resentment
Resentment is another life-crushing emotion that diminishes feminine radiance.
Resentment is marked by feelings of anger, hatred, ill will, and unforgiveness towards someone because of the mistreatment, abuse, or unfairness done unto you by that person.
As I write this post, I recall the anger I once held against a previous ex and relative. My heart was consumed with emotions of defeat, shame, and unworthiness. My soul felt like it was losing its fiery march to a satisfying life. I wanted to just throw in the towel.
It took me close to a year to gain traction in forgiving these two persons. The greatest blessing that came from facing these trials is that it drew me closer to God. It was during the turmoil within my family that compelled me to Christ.
Not only should you learn how to forgive others who hurt you, but you should also learn how to forgive yourself.
The truth is becoming perfectly healed and whole from past wounds won’t happen overnight. It’s a process. It requires intention, self-compassion, and a heart posture to receive the unwavering grace of God.
Ephesians 4:31-32
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
3. Depression
Depression, just as harboring envy and resentment, has the stealthy power to affect your entire well-being.
When we talk about depression, we're describing someone who is suffering from persistent sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest or passion in activities once enjoyed, and may require diognosis.
Depression is not make-believe or theory. It's real, alive, and consuming dreams, passions, and the radiance of women.
There are a variety of influences that can cause a once loving and high-spirited woman to become wounded and depressed, including childhood trauma (e.g., abuse, abandonment, lack of emotional bond with mother/father), financial difficulties, poverty, chronic illness, workplace discrimination, unfulfilled goals, being betrayed, becoming a single mother, or feeling insecure about your body, worth, and beauty.
Regardless of those unwelcoming events, whether perceived as big or small, I want you to deeply understand that you do NOT have to continue living in pain, shame, and misery. Seek therapy if you need to. But, most importantly pursue Christ as true joy and LIFE is found solely in Him.
Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
4. Guilt/ Self-condemnation
Ashamed. Unworthy. Undeserving. Terrible. Disappointed. Regretful. Weak.
These are just a few words describing how I felt two years ago while being entangled in an ungodly and unpromising relationship. Of all the unwelcoming emotions I have experienced, guilt is the worst.
Guilt is an emotional experience characterized by feelings of shame, disappointment in oneself, and remorse for having done something wrong that harms others or goes against one’s values and beliefs.
Surrendering to self-pity can lead you to experience other unwanted emotions such as resentment, depression, insecurity, and anxiety.
A woman’s beautiful laughter, hope, and zest to live a vibrant and fulfilling life can be severely compromised by the vicious reminders of self-blame, failures, the “what-ifs,” and “shouldn't haves.”
A woman suffering from self-condemnation finds it difficult to continue loving and cheering on herself.
She begins to internalize the false beliefs that she is unworthy and forever broken.
She begins to erect walls around her heart, like what Emily did in her most tragic situation.
I’ve been there. I know what it's like to suffer from past mistakes, some of which I knew were wrong and that I could have made a wiser choice. But that event is gone and cannot be undone. You and I are not perfect (only Christ is, Amen🙌🏾). Mistakes are bound to happen in life. Nonetheless, you can learn from your mistakes and carve a brighter future.
You can choose to continue suffering in self-pity and self-hate or you can take drastic measures today toward healing, forgiving, and restoring your heart.
If I hadn't gone through what I have been through in life, I wouldn't have the credibility or passion to write on these worthy topics. When I surrendered to God’s reign over my soul and well-being, He began healing me, and I started loving myself even more. God used my wounds and experiences to give me understanding and clarify. He can also do great things through your stories.
1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
5. Anxiety
Day after day, my soul would grapple with fears and worries, "Will I get married one day, before 30?", "Will I start having my children, before 30? "Will my dreams of becoming financially stable, and being able to take care of my aging parents come to fruition?"
These constant worries at times keep me on edge, and pressure me to rush life; instead of keeping calm, and trusting God’s perfect timing.
Anxiety is signified by feelings of nervousness, fears, or worries, especially about those anticipated future events that one perceives to have less control over.
It can be mild or severe. However, when left unmanaged, can cause a woman to feel like the whole world is on her shoulder.
She may start believing that she is weak, incapable, hopeless, and unworthy of experiencing the lofty dreams and desires that once set her soul on fire. Yet, like other soul-eroding emotions that I talked about in previous points,
as daughters of the King, we have what it takes to overcome anxiety and embrace calm during turbulences and unexpected seasons.
So will I get married and have a family one day, before 30? Will my entrepreneurial and philanthropic visions come alive? Only God truly knows. All I know is that
many are the plans in a person's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails (Prov 19:21), and in that, I must submit.
I am gradually learning to overcome anxiety by placing my trust in God—my Designer who sees, knows, cares, loves, and directs. A King who says not to be anxious about anything, to pray about everything, and that we should trust in His perfect timing in making His will for us come true (Philippians 4:6-7).
1 Peter 5:7
"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
6. Insecurities
Insecurity can simply be defined as being in a state of self-doubt or lack of confidence in one's worth, abilities, or relationships.
A woman who is wounded by insecurity tends to
compare her beauty, achievements, or relationships with that of another woman;
try and measure up to society's false definition of a true woman; or
suffer from unhealed traumas that hold her soul captive.
The implications insecurity has on her emotional and mental well-being can be horrific. Somehow,
She no longer thinks she's beautiful.
She no longer believes she's worthy and deserving of true love and loyalty.
She withdraws herself from social gatherings and avoids opportunities that would place her in the spotlight due to fear of being judged and rejected.
Once, this zestful soul believed that she was special, gifted, and could do great things in this world, but now she settles for misery and mediocrity.
The world tells us it is okay to feel insecure. Undisputedly, insecurities regarding our bodies, worth, and capabilities do visit us from time to time. However,
it is not okay when we intentionally (by doing nothing to overcome it) allow this feeling to inhabit and consume our personhood.
Every woman is unique, and special, and bears a unique path that God established exclusively for her.
Psalm 139:13-14
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
7. Loneliness
Finally, the seventh vicious emotion that affects feminine radiance is loneliness.
The definition of loneliness is simply feeling isolated, deserted, or disconnected from the love, warmth, and company of another person.
Image by Freepik
Many reasons could cause a woman to feel lonely. Among these include a breakup or divorce, relocating to a new city, becoming very busy with work and house affairs, or enduring the death of a loved one. Regardless of the reasons, loneliness may hit us at various times in our lives.
As a Christian single, I know how it feels to long for love, warmth, and connection with the masculine. I also know what it's like to miss having great experiences and joyful company with those you love.
Feeling lonely speaks to our humanity and desire to love and be loved. But loneliness is not a curse.
I'm seeing far too many women who use loneliness as an excuse to compromise on godly and personal values and end up settling for less than they deserve. Feeling lonely could be a beautiful season of your life.
As a Christian single, I have come to realize that no matter how fulfilling and satisfying my future marriage could be, no matter how many children I could have to laugh and tend to, no matter how many friends I have, or fans around the world raving my name,
I would still feel pretty lonely if I didn't have Jesus.
I strongly believe that the greatest indication of a lonely soul is our need for spiritual intimacy with our Heavenly Designer. The more we nurture an intimate bond with God, the less lonely, empty, and more fulfilled we become.
Revelation 19:7: “Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready.” 🙌🏾
✨Let’s Wrap Up
Thank you for reading today’s post. I hope somehow, it has touched you and inspired you to keep going.
I get it! 🤦🏽♀️ Life gets hard sometimes. But another side to our resentment is forgiveness; another side of our shame is freedom; another side of our insecurity is wholeness; another side of our anxiety is trust; another side of our sadness is joy; another side of our envy is support, and another side of our loneliness is connection.
I pray we pursue the ladder. Stay strong modern women 💪🏾. God is with us🙏🏾
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